My Little Pollywog

So I lost it today. And then found something too. Doesn't it always go like that.
Tieran and I had a tender morning when he was sick this week, and I was stupid enough to remind him that part of the way good moms take care of their little guys is to keep them bundled up and warm. So he went the rest of the week stripping and taking off his coat and socks and shoes and finding any puddles within a mile radius. Oh and of course refusing to sleep after he found out that was a way to get better too. Funny, I knew he was resisting "getting better" in his heart, but I was shocked to find him working so hard to not get better physically. It sums a lot up really. That he would rather be snotty, coughing, tired, weak and cold, than to let his mommy make him better. It is his mantra.
So anyway, long story not-so-short.. I totally lost it today. That great attitude I've been working on went out the window. After cleaning the umpteenth set of urine-saturated clothing, being screamed at, lied to, head-butted and bit, it became very clear to him that I was invested and in fact deeply emotional about the fact that he needs to get better(in more ways than one!) And the funniest thing, is that I guess he's always known.
Because tonight as I tried to gain my composure, and we had our quiet time, I read to him about pollywogs and tadpoles. About how they change so drastically. They lose their tales, their gills, they grow feet and they begin to breathe air. He was mostly focusing on the ceiling while I read, but then I asked him the study question from the book... thinking it was rather lofty and vague, but figuring I'd give it a chance. The question said, "Why do you think God wants to keep growing and changing things?" And Tieran thought for a while, sincerely interested. He looked at me, exhausted from a long horrible day, and said, "cause they just can't stay the same" I smiled. I looked at him, knowing he didn't really mean "they." I pried, "Why not?" And he said, "Cause god did not make me to stay like this."